I have been following Jesus Christ for about 15 years now. After these 15 years, I have come to the following conclusion: I'm a hot mess.
I don't know what else to say. I don't have it all together. Sure, I'm a pastor, and I guess that means I'm supposed to have things together. But I don't.
Here's why: The more and more I have followed Jesus, the more I have come to recognize that easy answers are, in fact, not answers. That platitudes rooted more in a church culture than they are in the Gospel aren't what we should be about. The church has been trying to give people easy answers to tough questions, and that is part of the reason why mainline Protestantism has been in a numbers decline for longer than I have been alive.
I fully believe in the risen Jesus Christ who conquered death more than 2,000 years ago and believe that gives us freedom from the power of sin in the here and now. I affirm most of the traditional Creeds as well. I graduated from a conservative, Wesleyan seminary with two degrees. So, I'm an evangelical, right? Wait. Because of those beliefs I have also become more and more social justice oriented and--GASP--even believe same-gender marriages are within the grace of God. So, wait. I'm a progressive Christian? I seek for our world to be a more equitable place for those who are the most vulnerable in our society as I speak up for LGBTQI rights, immigrants, gun reform, breaking down racial barriers and being a racial justice advocate, etc, etc. So, that makes me progressive, right? Wait. I don't want to leave my more conservative brothers and sisters behind and break that community (I did go to an evangelical seminary, after all). I fully believe both voices need to be in community and working together. I'm also pro-life* (an asterisk is because my beliefs are more complex than what either "side" promotes and I don't support the rhetoric of a lot of pro-life advocates show). I even voted for Romney in the last election!
So what in the junk am I? A progressive evangelical? What's that? The bottom line is that I don't fit any of the societal constructs. Personally, I think more people who confess to following Jesus should be admitting these same things. The world doesn't need us to have it together. People aren't expecting us to have it all together.
If more Christians would admit that they are, in fact, a hot mess, I think our churches might actually start doing what many haven't done for an entire generation: Grow. We don't need to fear that we don't have it all together. God has got this. God is still moving. God is still speaking. It's okay to be a paradox. It's okay to feel conflicted. It's okay to feel like you're a walking contradiction. Following Jesus should make you a complete and utter weirdo. As a recovering approval addict, I still occasionally have insecurities about all this. If I really put all of myself out there, I'll be rejected by some. When that happens, we all just have to rest in that there is nothing that makes you quite like Christ like rejection. There has never been an individual that was so praised and yet also so heavily rejected. I'm continuing to learn to be more and more okay with that. I think all of us should learn to be more okay with that. When we admit that we don't have it all together and we are in fact more of a mess than a well put together person, we find we'll have a lot more company than we realize.
I don't know what else to say. I don't have it all together. Sure, I'm a pastor, and I guess that means I'm supposed to have things together. But I don't.
Here's why: The more and more I have followed Jesus, the more I have come to recognize that easy answers are, in fact, not answers. That platitudes rooted more in a church culture than they are in the Gospel aren't what we should be about. The church has been trying to give people easy answers to tough questions, and that is part of the reason why mainline Protestantism has been in a numbers decline for longer than I have been alive.
I fully believe in the risen Jesus Christ who conquered death more than 2,000 years ago and believe that gives us freedom from the power of sin in the here and now. I affirm most of the traditional Creeds as well. I graduated from a conservative, Wesleyan seminary with two degrees. So, I'm an evangelical, right? Wait. Because of those beliefs I have also become more and more social justice oriented and--GASP--even believe same-gender marriages are within the grace of God. So, wait. I'm a progressive Christian? I seek for our world to be a more equitable place for those who are the most vulnerable in our society as I speak up for LGBTQI rights, immigrants, gun reform, breaking down racial barriers and being a racial justice advocate, etc, etc. So, that makes me progressive, right? Wait. I don't want to leave my more conservative brothers and sisters behind and break that community (I did go to an evangelical seminary, after all). I fully believe both voices need to be in community and working together. I'm also pro-life* (an asterisk is because my beliefs are more complex than what either "side" promotes and I don't support the rhetoric of a lot of pro-life advocates show). I even voted for Romney in the last election!
So what in the junk am I? A progressive evangelical? What's that? The bottom line is that I don't fit any of the societal constructs. Personally, I think more people who confess to following Jesus should be admitting these same things. The world doesn't need us to have it together. People aren't expecting us to have it all together.
If more Christians would admit that they are, in fact, a hot mess, I think our churches might actually start doing what many haven't done for an entire generation: Grow. We don't need to fear that we don't have it all together. God has got this. God is still moving. God is still speaking. It's okay to be a paradox. It's okay to feel conflicted. It's okay to feel like you're a walking contradiction. Following Jesus should make you a complete and utter weirdo. As a recovering approval addict, I still occasionally have insecurities about all this. If I really put all of myself out there, I'll be rejected by some. When that happens, we all just have to rest in that there is nothing that makes you quite like Christ like rejection. There has never been an individual that was so praised and yet also so heavily rejected. I'm continuing to learn to be more and more okay with that. I think all of us should learn to be more okay with that. When we admit that we don't have it all together and we are in fact more of a mess than a well put together person, we find we'll have a lot more company than we realize.
